Safe...

But am I?

I wander around Boston at night fairly often. I've also gotten lost in Boston at night fairly often. Maybe because I've never been the target of anything particularly sketchy, but I always thought that I'd be fine with traveling around by myself.

And to be honest, that's probably because I'm used to things that I really shouldn't be. I shouldn't automatically put a smile on my face and walk away quickly when a man calls out to me. I shouldn't have to not smile when I'm happy in order to avoid attracting a man’s attention. I shouldn't have to make myself small and move to the side.

But that's another matter entirely.

I shouldn't have to feel scared.

I live in what was apparently once a world superpowers. Everyone is civilized, unlike those heathens of the third world. (In case you didn't realize, that's​ sarcasm. Tone is hard.)

I am not in an active warzone. There are no landmines that I have to navigate. My government is not persecuting me and forcing me to flee (yet).

I haven't faced those horrors.

And yet, I am scared.

Not of of Muslim Terrorists (they're not) or The Gays (I don't even know how this is a thing) or Predators in The Bathroom (actually, how is this a thing. Let the people pee!) or what else have you.

Guessed the answer yet?

White men.

And white people. And men. But mostly white men.

Tonight, I had a maybe 20 second non-interaction with a white man while waiting for the train with a friend. He walked toward  us, so I moved to the side to let him pass. But he moved the same way. Normally, both participants of this type of exchange would bashfully apologize and try again until they successfully got past each other. But this man started to swear at me, as though I had done it on purpose, as though I had tried to instigate some sort of fight.

I walked toward my friend and he started to walk away. But then he started to walk toward us again. And he spoke. “You'll be dead. Five minutes. You're going to die.”

The train was arriving, so we walked away, quickly. Toward the train. Maybe he was still coming toward us, maybe not. We didn't look back.

I met the eyes of a white woman who smiled apologetically. She couldn't hear what he had said, but I'm sure she knew we were uncomfortable.

Terrified is probably a better word.

We got on the train, and for a second, it seemed like the man was going to board as well. I wanted to tell the conductor not to let him on. I wanted to run toward the back of the car, or onto another one entirely. Instead, we sat down, silent, and held our breaths, hoping the train would move.

It moved, and we were safe. It moves and we were away from that man, but knowing that didn't make any difference. I was terrified still. My heart was still beating fast, as though I needed to run.

I tried to bring up what we were talking about earlier. It fell flat. So, in the most light-hearted voice I could muster, I asked my friend if she thought there was a way to report that incident. We started to look it up. We found a number to send a tip to. I sent them a text.

It was over.

But it wasn't.

We were shaken.

When we part, we usually tell each other to stay safe, but it's never really something particularly urgent. It's a reminder, but more of a habit. We take it for granted that we'll be fine.

STAY SAFE. GET HOME SAFE.

Not a light-hearted farewell, but a sincere hope. A desperate wish. Not a guarantee.

We part ways.

I stay far away from the white men waiting for my train.

I'm still anxious.

And so I write and I write and I write, hoping the time will go faster, so I can just be home.

I had just been at a party to celebrate a job well done at a big event. It was happy and fun and we couldn't wait until next year.

All smiles.

And then this one man ruined my night.

I message my friend. Are you on the train yet? No response, but maybe it's crowded and she can't get to her phone. So I wait a little longer and message her again. Just her name.

She responds. What's wrong? Are you okay?

I was just checking in and we got it squared away, but we're obviously not okay.

I want to cry.

This isn't normal.

But it is.

But it shouldn't be.

To be clear, I have an immense amount of privilege. I fall firmly in the category of Yellow. I don't have to worry about being profiled as a criminal and getting shot. I was born in the US. I don't have to worry about being deported to a country I've never been to. My family and I have stable incomes. I don't have to worry about where my next meal is coming. I am able-bodied. I don't have to worry about whether or not I'm going to o be able to run away. I'm straight and cis and the list goes on and on.

If I'm afraid, what does that tell you about everyone with more disadvantages?

I've always been torn between whether I should cry or be angry at injustice. But right now, as much as I want to be pissed off, I just want to curl into a ball and cry.

I'll be angry tomorrow.

Pre-trip Excitement!

Last year, I traveled across the country to California two times. The first was to San Francisco for a conference and the second was to Los Angeles/Manzanar for a history trip.

Tomorrow, I return again to sunny Los Angeles (though I hear that it's actually not as sunny as it usually is D:). This time, it's for fun!

I'll mostly be in downtown LA, in Little Tokyo (which is where I was last time :D) (I've also recently finished a paper on the community of Little Tokyo and the effect of internment on it :D). I will eat delicious food and go to cute shops and bond with my dear dear friends. And I will likely ask for an adult at some point (despite the fact that all three of us are over 18 OTL).

The other two have been put in charge of navigation and social media posting and I have been left with  money management. And well...

. . . (sweats)(;;;*_*)

We'll see how that goes.

Tata for now!
-Maddie

What mark will we leave on history?

In American history, we learn by decade.

Each decade is defined by something. The 1910's had World War I. The Roaring 20's were times of growth and extravagance. Then came the Great Depression of the 30's, followed closely by World War II of the 40's. The 50's led to the beginning of the Cold War (most notably the Korean War) and the cult of domesticity. The 60's continued the Cold War in Vietnam and is marked by the Civil Rights Movement. The 70's had Watergate and the end of the Vietnam War and the start of diasporas. The 80's was Reagan and Michael Jackson. The 90's begins the conflicts in the Middle East and scandal in the Oval Office. The 2000's were defined by 9/11, Afghanistan, and Iraq, along with the natural devastation of Katrina, but also the first black president.

What now?
How will we be defined?

Will we be known for civil unrest and terror?
Libya, Syria, Egypt, and so many more, now including Ukraine. Boston marathon bombings and so many school shootings.

Will we be known for an environmental meltdown?
BP's oil spill and Fukushima's nuclear disaster, in addition to severe weather like Haiyan.

Will we be known for an even greater technological boom?
Smartphones, iPhones, iPads, and more.

Will we be known for social change?
Occupy movements, same-sex marriage, the boycott of the Russian Olympics, outcry for immigration reform.


We're not even half-way through the decade, but already there are so many possibilities. What will happen?



To be honest, this was inspired by the current events happening in Ukraine. I couldn't help but feel deja vu. How many times have we been witness to civil unrest that threatened our("good ol' American") sense of safety? Would we be known for it? History tends to remember the bad times, rather than the good ones.

Welllll.... Update?

Well, I obviously haven't posted in a while. I'm fairly sure I'm only talking to myself, but why not? Is there a better way to document my life for myself? The internet is forever. That, I suppose, is a good reason to not post my life's secrets. Not that I do. Anyway, moving on.

So, tomorrow is my first day of college! I'm in a great school and I know it's going to be a lot of fun, but I'm still a bit nervous. Still don't know what I'm going to major in though. Honestly, I have no idea what I'm going to do with my life and it's a bit scary.

In other news, technology is amazing. My keyboard guesses what I mean to write even though I just scribble everywhere. I know there's probably an algorithm or something behind it, but I like to think it's magic. (Actually, there's no “Probably" about it. Still, let me dream!)

Isn't life just so magical? After reading some fluffy fan fiction-- yes, I do that, get over it-- I'm in a "life is wonderful" mood. But isn't it amazing? Think about how the world's civilizations have evolved. Think about how everything is different yet still seems to stay the same. This idea applies not only through time but space. In many cases, societies have made money synonymous with power. A better example is the story of "Cinderella." The plot is seen again and again in different cultures and languages. The exact story is never the same but the main story is very similar. 

Alright then. That's a good place to end this. Signing off - Maddie <3

Boston Marathon Explosion

My prayers go out to all those affected by the current situation in Boston and hope that recovery is swift.

I've been trying to figure out what to say for a while now. For other incidents, such as Sandy Hook, I've also tried but have been unsuccessful. This time, it's so close to home, that I feel a need to talk about it.

Comparisons have been made between 9/11 and this recent event, but I can't tell you anything about that. I can't tell you what 9/11 was like. I was 5 years old and without a care in the world. Every year after that, I was asked to recall what it felt like. I could never put down anything but "I don't remember." 9/11, as far as I knew, did not really affect me. My reasoning was that New York was far away, and my life didn't really change. The explosion at the Marathon, however, is different.

Boston is so close that I used to go to Chinatown every weekend when I was little. I can recall being on Boylston not too long ago. Why Boston? Why my home? Whywhywhy?
Why do I have to be scared?

Why am I scared?

That last one is probably the easiest to answer. I'm scared because whoever or whatever it is, they're targeting locations with a lot of people. What's sopping them from targeting my high school? If they want casualties, if they want to do the most damage, that would be the place to do it.

But why would anyone want to do that?

Why is probably the hardest question to ask. We can go through how. Forensics can tell us what happened and how it did. We might never know why. We might never even know who, which is easier than why. Though we can speculate about what why was, we can't ever really be sure. Maybe it was a cruel joke gone wrong. Maybe it was an act of terrorism. How can we really know?

There are so many questions that might never be answered, but we have to ask them.
What kind of person does this? What kind of person chooses to destroy so many lives? What kind of person kills an 8 year old kid? What kind of person wants to destroy a person's sense of safey?
What kind of person wants to hurt people?

Let us ask these questions and make people think. Let's ask these questions and change how we think. 
Let's ask these questions because these things should never happen.

I know that we can recover from this. I know that we will rebuild. I know that we will be stronger for this. 
I know all this, but it should have never happened. 

The Dirty Weather Report

Over the last few years, a dizzying amount of weather-related disasters have appeared all over the globe. It is becoming "the new normal." But why? What has changed to make our planet so much more disaster prone than before?

Climate change. Yes, climate change is a natural part of Earth's cycle; the rate and severity at which it is changing is not. The changing climate, due to the increasing amount of heat trapped in our atmosphere, causes more severe weather.

It should be known that I am no expert on this topic. I am not scientific genius. I don't even have a have a high school diploma (yet). What I do know is that there's no reason to not try being kinder to our environment.

Imagine you have a baby. The baby's perfectly healthy at first. You decide to start smoking around him or her and feeding him or her all sorts of junk food. The baby still seems fine. One day, the baby starts to sneeze. Not a big deal. No reason to stop all the unhealthy habits for a small sneeze. Years later, the habits continue and this baby, though not really a baby anymore, suddenly gets horrifically sick. It's too late to help. There's nothing more you can do.

That baby? Our planet. Or it could be our planet. We don't know. Just as we don't know if the baby would really get horribly sick, though disease from second-hand smoke and obesity would not be uncommon, we can't know if our planet will get sick from our actions. Though evidence points toward yes, we can never be 100% sure. 99.99% maybe, but never 100% until it happens.

The question now is what could we have done to save the baby before this horrible illness? Stop polluting it. Don't deny that there may be a problem. Do things that will keep it healthy. Try to fix the problem early. There's a reason preventative care and early detection are emphasized in health care. It's easier and far less expensive. Many diseases, such as various cancers, are easier to treat if action is taken early on.

Have you noticed that I haven't really answered my first question? That's because I'll be finding out tomorrow.
Tomorrow at 8:00pm EST, a 24-hour online broadcast about climate change will begin at http://climaterealityproject.org/. This year's presentation, 24 Hours of Reality; The Dirty Weather Report, will hopefully teach us more about why these things are happening and encourage us to make change.

And just in case the planet's wellbeing, the jobs that could be created by green energy, or the fact that you could be hit by a horrible storm at any time don't interest you:
Dirty energy really stinks. (Have you ever had to stand in a parking lot where all the cars are trying to get out at once? Those fumes will kill ya'.)

This post has not been proof read. I apologize for any mistakes or inaccuracies.

Wha? I Don't Even Know

Warning: The following post has little organization. I apologize for any confusion caused by it.

It seems that I really must learn to listen to myself more. Time and time again, I tell myself not to indulge in comments on news or video sites such as Youtube. Obviously, I have no impulse control because I always do it anyway.

Sometimes There are times Many times Often times Quite frequently, I watch videos on Youtube and read the comments and end up hating myself for it. 

Moments ago, I watched a video of President Obama being told by his daughter to wave to the people behind him. When he did so, the people seemed quite overjoyed by the attention. 'What an observant and bright young lady,' I thought. So, I look to the comments and instantly see people badmouthing the president or asking for "Obama phones." And I am left speechless. I am rendered a blubbering fool, hence the title, and cannot form a coherent response. 

This is silly, but the most pressing matter at this moment is my confusion over the "Obama phone" comment. What in the world is an "Obama phone?" If someone could explain that to me, it would be very appreciated.

Along with that, I would like to point out that this was a very short video to show off an adorable moment between a father and his daughter. President Obama may have been part of the video, but that does not mean you should bring up his policies that have little to no connection to the video whatsoever. If it had been a natural progression to the topic through conversation, I'd be less likely to complain. As it stands however, it was an unnecessary jump. It, much like every instance of this post (and I honestly wish I was better at this thing), was a very odd jump. It's like talking about Remember the Titans, a movie about American football, one moment and talking about the Taiji dolphin slaughter, a horrible massacre of dolphins that occurs every year, the next. There's a missing link. Here, the missing link is Hayden Panettiere who was in Remember the Titans and was featured in The Cove for her attempt to stop the slaughter in Taiji. Though the two topics can be connected, it's odd and, for many, would probably be fairly uncomfortable of a transition. Thus, my concern annoyance with the transition from family moment to Obama's policies.

Obama has been re-elected for a second term as president now. Not everyone is happy with that. In fact, there are many that are complaining. I think you should stand behind any leaders that get elected, unless they happen to be dictators like Hitler (Though it should be noted that Hitler did enjoy a large amount of support from the German people for helping the economy recover, helping the German people once again feel strong and proud, and doing away with that nasty Treaty of Versailles that ended World War I. [On another note, as it is nearly Veterans' Day, formerly Armistice Day, thank you to all the brave men and women that have served their countries over the years.]) or Mussolini or more recently Mubarak, in which case you should cautiously try to change your current state of affairs. But back to the current matter. The United States of America is not ruled by a dictator and this is not likely to change, so I believe that US citizens should stand behind the president. Yes, you can and should criticize various government measures, but do so constructively. Saying "0bama sux" is not helpful in anyway and in all honestly makes me think less of you. (It hurt me just to write with that zero. And that mangling of "ck"? Horrible. D:) You may be the most intelligent individual in the world, but to use shorthand like that when it is unneeded (0 is not any harder than O and "x" instead of "ck" when you are nowhere near your world limit is silly.) and not give any concrete reasons as to why you object or any thoughts as to how to change the situation makes you seem idiotic. Yes, it's very judgmental and very hypocritical of me, but that's how I see it. Though I do not like Romney, if he had been elected, I would stand behind him and my nation. I would definitely not try to "assassinate him," as many on Twitter swore they would do if he got into office. Not only would that be impossible and land you a giant heaping of trouble, it's amoral and screams of a horrible lack of understanding. One does not kill because of dislike, no matter how intense.

I suppose that is the end of my mess of a rant. Just wanted to express my considerable dislike for the trash that goes in in the comments section of many things and my dislike of the fact that I read through it anyway. After all, bottling up your emotions is not terribly good for you.